imprint by mut

imprint – verb

to mark by or as if by pressure; to fix indelibly or permanently (as on the memory)

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a few days after we left each other, i wish i could take back every mean words i've said to you.

i wish i could take back every accusations, every hurtful things i've said in the heat of moment.

but more than that, i wish i didn't long for your touch, your hug, your voice;

i wish i didn't miss you this much.

.

(i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. an ache that didn't ease even after all this time)

.

a few weeks after we left each other, i could barely go to some place we've been to together before.

i could barely go on an evening walk on our favorite park, eat at our frequently visited restaurant even when my friends was there to cheer me up.

i can't even drink my favorite coffee without being reminded of our evening talks.

it feels like you were there too, on every corner of this town.

but i know it was not like that, because i know for sure that you've left this town;

leave me behind.

.

(i cannot escape you, even when you have forgotten me. i still miss you)

.

a few months after we left each other, i could finally text you back when you ask about my life.

i could walk around the town without your ghost hanging around, reminding me of some of the happiest times of my life.

sometimes, i wish we could go back to what we were before.

when you are the source of my happiness; the person that hold me up when life threatened to drown me.

but i know that right now, i'm not good for you and you're not good for me.

.

(or maybe, we will never be good for each other anymore. surprisingly, the thought didn't terrify me)

.

a few years after we left each other, i could finally smile at your text and congratulate you on your new chapter in life.

i could teasingly ask the name of your new person, and you could ask about my story in this town with my new person.

i could finally make a new memory with someone else without erasing what we had before.

i learnt so much from you, and i hope i bring you happiness when we were each other's just like you were my happiness before.

i would never regret you or us, because i know we met each other for some reasons and that i learn so many things about myself and life when i was yours.

.

(after a few years, saying that you're my one that got away didn't taste bittersweet anymore, not really)