end of the year's note

(the mood of this post is uncharacteristically somber, but with the way this past year happened its no brainer)

...still.

its an understatement of the year to say that this past few months are one of the worst time especially for us (and me!) fresh graduate and new workers. i used to be very eloquent (or at least, have more to say) while writing my 'end of the year's note' but this time... there's nothing for me personally to say except that i wish the best for everyone out there and keep fighting! there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, so keep going on, one step at a time!

the end of 2020 is getting nearer, but we still don't know when this pandemic will be over. mayhap next year will be easier for us, and we'll find our silver lining. but for now, lets take a deep breath, pray for a better tomorrows, mindful towards others, and do anything to stay healthy.

(a.m.r)

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!

setelah menelusuri dan meneliti, menyusun dan mendesain (walau saya gak bisa desain sama sekali, makanya hasilnya seadanya!!) akhirnya selesai juga.

dua puluh tiga cerita pendek yang saya tulis sejak tahun 2018, yang menurut saya mendeskripsikan dan menggambarkan kehidupan saya selama dua puluh tiga tahun belakangan ini.

Alhamdulillah bisa dengan bangga mempersembahkan:

HALCYON DAYS

ceritanya bisa dibaca di sini :D

selamat membacaaaaaa dan semoga suka!! (:

another cover!!!

hai!!!

sabtu kemaren gue dan sahabat tercinta aka belinda ngecover lagu Wherever You Are-nya ONE OK ROCK!!

sebenernya yang ngefans berat sama OOR itu belinda, gue cuma jatuh cinta sama beberapa lagunya. kebetulan kita berdua sama-sama cinta lagu ini dan spontan ngecover. makanya chord-nya rada sedikit berantakan (karena gue baru belajar malam sebelumnya!!) HEHE. 

tapi bangga sih sama hasilnya :D

btw happy watching, and please like and subscribe! <3

day three: pyrrhic

pyrrhic

won at too great a cost

- - -

A set of eyes watching you dully. Lifelessly. You met their stare unflinchingly.

“Is it worth it?”

Is it worth the pain? The tears? The betrayals?

The emptiness that grows bigger every day you have to live with what you’ve done?

The hard, cold truth that you have crossed the line?

“Yes.”

Because you can’t afford anything else.

Because the only way you can keep moving forward is to believe wholeheartedly that this is all worth it.

(Revenge best served cold, they said. They never told about the part where the coldness will seep into your being, leaves you numb.)

day two: aspectabund

aspectabund

letting emotion show easily through the face or eyes 

- - -

since the beginning, you always know what he thinks or feels. you can see it clearly in his entire being, and it takes so little time to familiarize yourself with his tells. it’s one thing you tease him about constantly, because his inability to read you as easily as you him makes you cackle and him pout. you’re proud of your ability, and it shows.

but it also makes you be able to pinpoint the exact time he’s halfway falling out of love with you.

and you hate yourself for that.

(because you want to remain oblivious, just for awhile)

day one: scrosciare

scrosciare
the action of rain pouring down or of waves hitting rocks and cliffs
- - -

one step forward. another one.

and then again.

left, right.

the only thing you can see is your feet beneath you, dragging you to somewhere you familiar with. you smell the distinct taste of salt, and knew you’re in the right place.

you sat down quietly, pretending that it was the rain that makes your face wet

(and not tears)

and watch the hypnotic motion of give and take, give and take.

(how can you balance one without overlapping the other?)

you hear the ocean met the earth deafeningly,

and you

                          just

                                            breathe,

                         (keeps breathing)

(it’s going to be ok)

tender by mut

tender – adjective

soft, gentle, or delicate; affectionate or loving
---

imprint by mut

imprint – verb

to mark by or as if by pressure; to fix indelibly or permanently (as on the memory)

starlight by mut

---

"Kak, cepat pulang, ya?”

Agnia hanya tersenyum menatap adiknya. Dhara mungkin hanya tiga tahun lebih muda, tapi tidak pernah tidak manja kepada sang kakak.

“Iya, janji. Pekerjaannya hanya dua planet dari sini, kok. Tablet kamu masih bisa digunakan, kan? Kalau ada apa-apa jangan sungkan hubungi kakak, ya.”

Dhara tersenyum balik. “Siap, kak!”

Berbalik sembari tertawa, Agnia melambaikan tangannya kepada sang adik yang bertengger di pintu rumahnya. Segera ia memasuki pesawat luar angkasa mini miliknya dan melakukan pengecekan sebelum lepas landas. Dari ujung matanya, ia melihat ibunya memperhatikannya dari jendela atas, tapi ketika ia membelokkan kepalanya sedikit, ia tidak melihat apa-apa.

Hmm.

“Hanya masuk-ambil-keluar-drop. Seminggu juga sudah selesai.”

Kepulangan Agnia disambut dengan rumahnya yang sudah menjadi puing-puing hitam tanda terbakar. Adik dan ibunya tidak terlihat sama sekali.

-0-

starry night by mut

---

on night like this, i lay down on my balcony, with half of my body inside. i pretend that i’m somewhere else, like an empty field surround by the nature. or, if i’m being particularly blue, i pretend that this is the rooftop of my apartment, and you’re here with me.

the thing i miss the most is actually the conversation. soft spoken, especially when we reach the witch hour. the vulnerability and honesty, and the way you make me feel like you understand. it’s easy, it always is. effortless. when the morning comes, i always regret those conversations because they make me easier to be read by you. but only for a second. nevertheless, when the night comes and you call, i will always answer.

you actually never promise to always be there, and i never asked you to. i always know that you will be gone by morning, and there will be time when you won’t call when the star shines bright anymore. i always tell myself to never expect, never demand. but still, the disappointment is there when you stop calling.

i didn’t regret anything, i said. it is partially true. the one thing i regret the most is that i cannot look at the starry night the same anymore, because our conversation is always under the night sky. i miss being able to sleep soundly at night without expecting a call from someone who already forgotten me. i miss looking at the stars without remembering you.

(i miss you)