day one: scrosciare

scrosciare
the action of rain pouring down or of waves hitting rocks and cliffs
- - -

one step forward. another one.

and then again.

left, right.

the only thing you can see is your feet beneath you, dragging you to somewhere you familiar with. you smell the distinct taste of salt, and knew you’re in the right place.

you sat down quietly, pretending that it was the rain that makes your face wet

(and not tears)

and watch the hypnotic motion of give and take, give and take.

(how can you balance one without overlapping the other?)

you hear the ocean met the earth deafeningly,

and you

                          just

                                            breathe,

                         (keeps breathing)

(it’s going to be ok)

tender by mut

tender – adjective

soft, gentle, or delicate; affectionate or loving
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imprint by mut

imprint – verb

to mark by or as if by pressure; to fix indelibly or permanently (as on the memory)

starlight by mut

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"Kak, cepat pulang, ya?”

Agnia hanya tersenyum menatap adiknya. Dhara mungkin hanya tiga tahun lebih muda, tapi tidak pernah tidak manja kepada sang kakak.

“Iya, janji. Pekerjaannya hanya dua planet dari sini, kok. Tablet kamu masih bisa digunakan, kan? Kalau ada apa-apa jangan sungkan hubungi kakak, ya.”

Dhara tersenyum balik. “Siap, kak!”

Berbalik sembari tertawa, Agnia melambaikan tangannya kepada sang adik yang bertengger di pintu rumahnya. Segera ia memasuki pesawat luar angkasa mini miliknya dan melakukan pengecekan sebelum lepas landas. Dari ujung matanya, ia melihat ibunya memperhatikannya dari jendela atas, tapi ketika ia membelokkan kepalanya sedikit, ia tidak melihat apa-apa.

Hmm.

“Hanya masuk-ambil-keluar-drop. Seminggu juga sudah selesai.”

Kepulangan Agnia disambut dengan rumahnya yang sudah menjadi puing-puing hitam tanda terbakar. Adik dan ibunya tidak terlihat sama sekali.

-0-

starry night by mut

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on night like this, i lay down on my balcony, with half of my body inside. i pretend that i’m somewhere else, like an empty field surround by the nature. or, if i’m being particularly blue, i pretend that this is the rooftop of my apartment, and you’re here with me.

the thing i miss the most is actually the conversation. soft spoken, especially when we reach the witch hour. the vulnerability and honesty, and the way you make me feel like you understand. it’s easy, it always is. effortless. when the morning comes, i always regret those conversations because they make me easier to be read by you. but only for a second. nevertheless, when the night comes and you call, i will always answer.

you actually never promise to always be there, and i never asked you to. i always know that you will be gone by morning, and there will be time when you won’t call when the star shines bright anymore. i always tell myself to never expect, never demand. but still, the disappointment is there when you stop calling.

i didn’t regret anything, i said. it is partially true. the one thing i regret the most is that i cannot look at the starry night the same anymore, because our conversation is always under the night sky. i miss being able to sleep soundly at night without expecting a call from someone who already forgotten me. i miss looking at the stars without remembering you.

(i miss you)